Saying Goodbye

How can you help a child make it through the death of another child when you are having a hard time with it yourself?  There are always more questions about death than answers. When it is a child’s friend it makes it even harder.  When it is your own child asking questions you can’t answer it is heart breaking. I believe that what God has prepared for me is better than anything I can even imagine. I believe that when I am in the presence of Jesus my questions suddenly won’t matter or be remembered. I believe that every situation in life will draw us closer to our God or pull us away. Even in my anger, sadness and grief I don’t want to lose sight of the fact that God’s ways are not mine. “The world with its wisdom was unable to recognize God in terms of his own wisdom. So God decided to use the nonsense of the Good News we speak to save those who believe.”  1 Corinthians 1:21

This week I lost a special friend. A twelve year old who loved animals, had a sensitive heart for people who were feeling down, a child who loved to laugh has left a mark in my life. Knowing her has brought me more joy than pain, and more laughter than tears. Here sudden death has caused me deep pain and more tears than I’ve shed in a lifetime. I don’t understand, but I choose to hold on to what I do understand. God is in control. “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward.” Philippians 3:14

Here are some ways that we can help children cope with death:

Allow children to talk about their feelings. Listen to the stories that they tell about their loved one.

Don’t assume that children understand or view death the same way that you do. We all have different ways of thinking about death based on our own life experiences.

Grieving is a process that is different for each person. Don’t press children to resume normal activities before they are ready.

Help children find ways to express condolences to family or friends of the person that has died.

Allow children to see your own expressions of grief so that they learn it is natural to express feelings of sadness.

I have found this website very helpful for myself in understanding
 how to help my daughter through this difficult time:

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/griefwar.pdf

This book is a great resource to have when helping a child through the grieving process. It allows children to write and draw their experiences and feelings to help them become whole again.

Life is precious. Tonight my friend won’t get to say goodnight to her child. She won’t shake her head because her socks were left stuffed in the couch. Her father won’t call her in from the backyard and kneel beside her bed at night to say prayers. I will and I will treasure the time knowing that we don’t know what a day might bring. I need to tell and show the people in my life how much they mean to me.

Thank you for allowing me to grieve in your presence. I ask that you not leave a comment, but use that time to say a prayer for a family who is feeling torn apart. Please pray for a school that has had their heart broken by sadness.