How can you help a child make it through the death of another
child when you are having a hard time with it yourself? There are always more questions about death
than answers. When it is a child’s friend it makes it even harder. When it is your own child asking questions
you can’t answer it is heart breaking. I believe that what God has prepared for
me is better than anything I can even imagine. I believe that when I am in the
presence of Jesus my questions suddenly won’t matter or be remembered. I
believe that every situation in life will draw us closer to our God or pull us
away. Even in my anger, sadness and grief I don’t want to lose sight of the
fact that God’s ways are not mine. “The world with its wisdom was unable to recognize God in
terms of his own wisdom. So God decided to use the nonsense of the Good News we
speak to save those who believe.”
1 Corinthians 1:21
This
week I lost a special friend. A twelve year old who loved animals, had a
sensitive heart for people who were feeling down, a child who loved to laugh
has left a mark in my life. Knowing her has brought me more joy than pain, and
more laughter than tears. Here sudden death has caused me deep pain and more
tears than I’ve shed in a lifetime. I don’t understand, but I choose to hold on
to what I do understand. God is in control. “I press on toward the goal to win
the prize for which God has called me heavenward.” Philippians 3:14
Here
are some ways that we can help children cope with death:
Allow
children to talk about their feelings. Listen to the stories that they tell
about their loved one.
Don’t
assume that children understand or view death the same way that you do. We all
have different ways of thinking about death based on our own life experiences.
Grieving
is a process that is different for each person. Don’t press children to resume
normal activities before they are ready.
Help
children find ways to express condolences to family or friends of the person
that has died.
Allow
children to see your own expressions of grief so that they learn it is natural
to express feelings of sadness.
I have
found this website very helpful for myself in understanding
how to help my daughter through this difficult time:
how to help my daughter through this difficult time:
This book is a great resource to have when helping a child
through the grieving process. It allows children to write and draw their
experiences and feelings to help them become whole again.
Life
is precious. Tonight my friend won’t get to say goodnight to her child. She won’t
shake her head because her socks were left stuffed in the couch. Her father won’t
call her in from the backyard and kneel beside her bed at night to say prayers.
I will and I will treasure the time knowing that we don’t know what a day might
bring. I need to tell and show the people in my life how much they mean to me.
Thank
you for allowing me to grieve in your presence. I ask that you not leave a
comment, but use that time to say a prayer for a family who is feeling torn
apart. Please pray for a school that has had their heart broken by sadness.
